Home At Last

We finally came home yesterday late afternoon, Selma was ecstatic! I think things finally started to hit and sink in on Tuesday and since then I've been kind of a mess.  I guess I'd been running on adrenaline and Diet Coke because I didn't have my first little breakdown until Tuesday in the hospital cafeteria when I realized that my baby was getting cut open in a few hours.  

So Sunday, they were thinking we might be able to go home on Monday.  Well Monday rolls around and the doctor who was coming to check on Selma informed us that her CBC (white blood cell count) had started climbing back up a little bit and since her lump was still hard, they wanted us to stay one more night.  It's a good thing we did stay because Tuesday, her CBC had climbed higher.  However, when the doctor felt her lump, he said that it was "squishy" and that he was going to have a surgeon come look at it.  He said that he wanted to drain the lymph node or possibly remove it.

Later that morning, the surgeon came up and, after checking things out, let us know that he was going to cut it open and cut out the infection and drain it out that same afternoon.  Because she had just had lunch, we couldn't give her anything to eat or drink until after the surgery.  That wouldn't have been too bad, except the OR pushed us back to 8PM, poor Selma.

We did a lot of the same things every day as when we were waiting for the OR to come get us and tried to keep some sort of routine for her, although it didn't happen most of the time.  

Selma and Sky who graciously took Monday and Tuesday off to be with us, I couldn't have done it without him

Selma and her comfort-kitties

Bribing her with a sucker, didn't last long

Selma playing with Sky's dad

We saw this pose a lot, usually when a nurse or doctor or anyone she didn't know came in

You can see the little hospital doll that some cute grandmas make for all the pediatrics patients, Selma still sleeps with it here, she loves it

Keeping her occupied with my phone

Never would have thought we'd be giving Selma a bath on her bed

This was one of the nurses who helped us who I happened to grow up with in the same home ward, she really was the best with Selma and she ended up loving her after the couple days that she was her nurse

This is how Selma took a nap everyday: cuddled in a chair with Sky's mom.  Thanks so much Julie! 

Selma saying "cheese!" with one of the 6 sippy cups that we took home from the hospital.  I think we got our money's worth :)

Selma didn't really eat too well while we were there

But she sure loved playing with it!

Finally surgery time came that night, we were so nervous and so grateful that both Sky's and my parents came to be with us and help us.

Waiting to be taken back to the OR

They had me hold her while they wheeled us down

Waiting for the elevator

This one just breaks my heart.  The anesthesiologist did really well with her but she did not want to be taken away from us.

I was an emotional wreck that night.  About 20 minutes after the started the surgery, the nurse came back to grab Sky and I and took us to a "consulting room" which is where the doctor comes and talks to the family I guess.  Well, after being in there for about 15 more minutes, we hear Selma screaming down the hallway and we have to sit there and wait for them to get us for 10 more minutes.  I was so frustrated!!

Finally the same nurse runs in and is like "mom, come with me now, dad you go out there" and rushes me back.  Apparently, the surgeon went out to the waiting room 10 minutes ago and had been talking to our parents!!  They thought it was so nice of the surgeon to inform them of what was going on but little did they know, he hadn't even talked to us yet.  So I was back in post-op holding my poor screaming baby and we sat back there for 20 minutes trying to help her calm down and get her pain controlled, it was seriously heart-wrenching.  

After what seemed like forever, Sky got to come back and they wheeled us up to our room.  Selma kept saying "owie! owie!" and it really seemed like she was in pain but I hadn't heard anything the surgeon had said and so I felt really out of the loop in regards to really anything that was going on.  We get up there and I ask the nurse if we can get more medication for her pain and she gives me this blank stare and said that the doctor hadn't ordered anything.

I totally lost it.  I started crying and didn't understand what the heck was going on and why Selma couldn't have pain medication.  The nurse, who turned out to be really nice but was out of the loop too, said that we could give her Motrin, which we did.  The Motrin helped a little and we were able to get her to sleep even while taking her vitals every 15 minutes, literally.  

By now it was 10PM and I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that my mom offered to stay the night with me since Sky had to work early the next morning and Sky's mom offered to come the next morning to take over for my mom.  I couldn't have done it without them, I was so spent and overwhelmed.  Sky's parents took Sky home and my mom and I got ready for bed.  

Right around 11PM, Selma wakes up screaming and she just wasn't herself.  It was actually really scary because she was delirious and wouldn't let us hold her and would throw herself around the crib.  Eventually we all just fell asleep and my mom got up with her most of the times that she whimpered which was so nice. 

I found out later that what the surgeon found was not a lymph node at all but just a large abscess filled with infection and puss (sorry, that's gross).  He was pretty sure that it was a staph infection, and most likely MRSA.  He left it as an open wound in case anything needs to drain and said that all the infection was gone and that it should heal very quickly and be closed up within 10 days.

The next day, Selma was feeling a lot better but was still in a little pain.  

Once they said that we were going to be discharged that day though, she was pretty much back to her old self and playing with her toys and just happy.  The only downside was that it took them 2 hours to discharge us, a little frustrating with a hungry, ready-to-leave toddler and hungry mom.

Since we've been home, we've been catching up on much-needed sleep (I slept until 10:15 this morning and Selma slept til 11, and I didn't even feel guilty about it) and I've been trying not to have a breakdown every time I change her diaper or give her a bath.  Because it's an open wound, I have to change the gauze and ace bandage around the gauze every time I change her diaper.  It makes it hard because the wound is right in her groin area by her leg so right where her leg creases.  I have to pin her down and clean it and hold the gauze there while I wrap a super-long ace bandage around it while she screams because it hurts her.  Please tell me this will get better.  It is so overwhelming for me, I've sobbed each time I do it.  I'm terrified of something getting in there and don't even talk to me about her poopy diapers, which happen to be runny thanks to the antibiotics.  

The antibiotic that they gave us, Clindamyacin, is apparently the worst tasting drug out there so they gave me the IV form of it so I don't have to give her as much.  However, because of this, I have to take a needle syringe and stick it in the rubber top and draw out the correct amount of drug.  I feel like a pharmacist or something, it's intimidating because they didn't explain to me how to do it so I hope I'm doing it right. Instead of baths, Selma has to have showers and she hates them and it scares me that there will be some bacteria in the tub or something that will get in there.  I'm trying not to be paranoid but you should see the wound.

Enough whining from me, I'm really so grateful that we are home safe and sound (and that I could shower, shave my legs and sleep in my own bed!)  I just have to make it through this next week and a half and hopefully her wound will be all healed and she can take baths and go swimming and not have to see a doctor again for awhile :)  

I can't thank everyone for their encouraging comments and calls and prayers enough.  I am so grateful for the strength and comfort that prayer has given us and for such wonderful and supportive family and friends, we love you and our little Selma girl too.